TRUST

Trust is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation. A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated,"PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is." Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "Hello" instead of "PUB".

BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the United States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital. Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide. Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge. People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perceptions. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?" Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey. Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders. It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future. Thus, do not be too bothered by others' words if our conscience is clear.

RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that, "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party. A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered, "You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he would have been the millionaire and not you." Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that, "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character." It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness. It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.

PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS

A person visited the government match maker for marriage, SDU, and requested, "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need a television." There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?" The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves. If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.

DON'T JUDGE BY CLOTHES

A woman in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly, without an appointment, into the Harvard University President's outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge.

"We want to see The President," the man said softly.

"He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped.

"We'll wait," the woman replied.

For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away. They didn't and the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the President, even though it was a chore she always regretted.

"Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll leave," she said to him. He sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, but he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office.

The President, stern faced and with dignity, strutted toward the couple.

The woman explained, "We had a son who attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. My husband and I would like to erect a memorial, somewhere on campus, for him."

The President wasn't touched; he was surprised. "Madam," he said, gruffly,"we can't put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery."

"Oh, no," the woman explained quickly. "We don't want to erect a statue. We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard."

The President rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical buildings alone here at Harvard."

For a moment, the woman was silent. The President was pleased. Maybe he could get rid of them now.

The woman turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it costs to start a university? Why don't we just start our own?" Her husband nodded.

The President's face wilted in bewilderment.

Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford got up and walked away, travelling to Palo Alto, California, where they established the university that bears their name, Stanford University, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about. You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those whom they think can do nothing.

NO GOD OR KNOW GOD

An atheist Professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem Science has with God, The Almighty.

He asks one of his new Students to stand and ....

Prof: So you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, Sir.

Prof: Is God good?

Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student: Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?

Student is silent.

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn't.

The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, Sir, just the absence of it.

There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student: You're wrong again, Sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light .... But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is that your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, Sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

The class is in uproar.

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

The class breaks out into laughter.

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, Sir. With all due respect, Sir, how do we then trust your lectures?

The room is silent.

The Professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it, Sir .... The link between man & God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive ....

FOOD AS MEDICINE

HEADACHE? EAT FISH!

Eat plenty of fish - fish oil helps prevent headaches. So does ginger, which reduces inflammation and pain.

HAVE FEVER? EAT YOGHURT!

Eat lots of yoghurt before pollen season. Also eat honey from your area (local region) daily.

TO PREVENT STROKE? DRINK TEA!

Prevent build up of fatty deposits on artery walls with regular doses of tea. (Actually, tea suppresses appetite and keeps the pounds from invading .... Green tea is great for our immune system)!

INSOMNIA (CAN'T SLEEP)? USE HONEY!

Use honey as a tranquilliser and sedative.

ASTHMA? EAT ONIONS!

Eating onions helps ease constriction of bronchial tubes.

ARTHRITIS? EAT FISH!

Salmon, tuna, mackerel and sardines actually prevent arthritis. (Fish has omegaoils, good for our immune system)!

UPSET STOMACH? EAT BANANAS - GINGER!

Bananas will settle an upset stomach. Ginger will cure morning sickness and nausea.

BLADDER INFECTION? DRINK CRANBERRY JUICE!

High-acid cranberry juice controls harmful bacteria.

BONE PROBLEMS? EAT PINEAPPLE!

Bone fractures and osteoporosis can be prevented by the manganese in pineapple.

MEMORY PROBLEMS? EAT OYSTERS!

Oysters help improve mental functioning by supplying much-needed zinc.

COLDS? EAT GARLIC!

Clear up that stuffy head with garlic. (Remember, garlic lowers cholesterol, too)!

COUGHING? USE RED PEPPERS!

A substance similar to that found in the cough syrups is found in hot red pepper. Use red (cayenne) pepper with caution - it can irritate the tummy.

LUNG CANCER? EAT DARK GREEN AND ORANGE AND VEGGIES!

A good antidote is beta carotene, a form of Vitamin A found in dark green and orange vegetables.

ULCERS? EAT CABBAGE ALSO!

Cabbage contains chemicals that help heal both gastric and duodenal ulcers.

DIARRHOEA? EAT APPLES!

Grate an apple with its skin, let it turn brown and eat it to cure this condition. (Bananas are also good for this ailment)!

CLOGGED ARTERIES? EAT AVOCADO!

Mono unsaturated fat in avocados lowers cholesterol.

HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE? EAT CELERY AND OLIVE OIL!

Olive oil has been shown to lower blood pressure. Celery contains a chemical that lowers blood pressure too.

BLOOD SUGAR IMBALANCE? EAT BROCCOLI AND PEANUTS!

The chromium in broccoli and peanuts helps regulate insulin and blood sugar.

SOME GOOD NUTRITIVE FRUITS

KIWI: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, Vitamin E & fibre. It's Vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.

APPLE: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low Vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhance the activity of Vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.

STRAWBERRY: Protective fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protects the body from cancer causing radicals. (Actually, any berry is good as they're high in anti-oxidants and they actually keep us young .... blueberries are the best and very versatile in the health field .... they get rid of all the free-radicals that invade our bodies)!

ORANGE: Sweetest medicine. Taking 2 - 4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessen the risk of colon cancer.

WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are Vitamin C & Potassium. (Watermelon also has natural substances [natural SPF sources] that keep our skin healthy, protecting our skin from the UV rays)!

GUAVA & PAPAYA: Top awards for Vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high Vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fibre which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, which is good for eyes. (Also good for gas and indigestion)!

TOMATOES: Tomatoes are very good as preventive measure for men. They keep prostrate problems from invading the bodies.

IMPORTANT TIPS

ANNIVERSARIES

Always celebrate! Whether it's the 1st or the 50th, each year together is a triumph.

APPRECIATION

Let each other know how much you appreciate each other. You may already know but hearing it from each other is always better.

BEST FRIENDS

Be best friends preferably before being boyfriend-girlfriend. Take time to know each other so the relationship will be a deep one. Tell each other about your crushes, dreams and problems. Make sure he/she is your best friend before getting engaged. The strong bond of friendship will help you both survive tough times.

BOND

Make it a point to spend time together often but leave room for each other. Also spend time alone without each other, so that at the end of the day you could both share your experiences. This way, you stay interesting with your partner.

COMPLIMENTS

Always compliment each other. This will prevent feelings of resentment & thinking that one is being taken for granted.

DATE

Keep doings things that you both enjoy, do them together. Make time & continue to date to keep the romance - look good, smell good to maintain physical attraction.

DIFFERENCES

Celebrate differences. Never force your ideologies down each other's throat. Give up trying to turn your partner into you. Accept differences, appreciate them.

FIGHTS

Fight with the aim to resolve the issue. Don't outdo each other. The longer you extend the fight, the more chances that you'll say something hurtful that you don't really mean. As mad as you were with your partner, he/she is still the person who laughs at your jokes & thinks you're hot. Hear each other out, don't dig up old issues. Choose your battles. Make sure the fight will be worth it & that something will change in the relationship as a result of the fight.

FLAWS

Know that the perfect person does not exist. Know that just as there are things that you love about him/her, there will be things that will make you go crazy. We are only human with our own flaws.

FUN

Have fun together! This means keeping the fun & spontaneity that was there in the early days. Allow yourselves to get silly. Being able to make each other laugh & see the lighter, crazier, absurd side is the best way to get through all the differences in personalities, adjustments in lifestyle & opposing viewpoints.

GOALS

Make sure you have similar goals. It would be difficult to keep your bond intact if your views are complete opposite.

GRUDGES

Quit tabulating grudges. Let it off. Discuss it, then trash it, don't recycle it.

KEEPING IT HOT

Keep it hot by travelling to different places together. A new setting will do wonders. Always have skin contact - be it holding hands, a massage or just plain leg rubbing.

HONESTY

Don't lie or hide things. The problem will only get bigger.

KNOW EACH OTHER

Learn each other's interest. It really keeps the conversation flowing!

HUG

A hug can be far better more intimate than a kiss.

IDENTITY

Don't lose your personality - that's why he/she fell in love with you. Have separate interest & activities to keep your individual & to be able to contribute more to the relationship. INDEPENDENCE

Having your own income means you're the boss in your life.

IN-LAWS

Make rooms for the in-laws.

INTENTIONS

Wish each other well. Don't wish each other worst.

ISSUES

Speak up about the awkward stuff now, like money & sex. The earlier, the better.

LISTEN

Listen, listen, listen. Hear each other out especially during arguments.

LOOK GOOD

Mind your appearance! Stay fit & healthy for each other.

LOVE

It all boils down to your love, chemistry & respect for each other.

MEMORIES

Remind each other of the old days. Do something that you used to do for each other before. It may even be corny but it made you two together. Experience new things together- from dining into a new restaurant to experiencing street food together to exploring to new places. It's the little surprises that make great memories.

MIND READING

No matter how long you've been together, do not think that you can read each other's mind. NEEDS

Be good to yourself, then be good to your partner. That's what love is all about. Think about your partner. Will it make him/her happy? Will she/he enjoy it? Consider each other's feelings. Be very attentive & sensitive to each other's needs, physically & emotionally, that way your partner learns to do the same for you. Never take your partner for granted.

PRIORITIES

If one says it's important, then it is! Prioritise each other among other things!

SPACE

Give each other space. Have your boy's night out. If you can't trust each other with this, then don't get married.

SORRY

Say sorry when you're wrong.

SURPRISES

No matter how long you've known each other, be open to surprises, both good or bad.

TEAMWORK

Think for two & always work as a team. Consult each other before making a decision because everything will always affect both of you. Strengthen couple power. In many ways, we have to decide based on what is best for the relationship in favour of our individual selves.

SUPPORT

Support each other's dream. Be willing to follow your passions, support your partner in his/her decisions & create new ones together. Two heads are better than one.

TALK

Tell each other's stories. Life goes by so fast & its easy to see how easily couple can grow apart. Whenever something funny, scary, exciting or juicy happened to you or to someone you know, tell each other about it & have your partner do the same. Keep each other in the loop of life.

HOW TO SAY "NO"

We say "yes" to others because we want to please them. But when eventually we can't continue, we let them down and we feel guilty. Both parties suffer. Recognize that a desire to please often prevents us from saying no.

Stick to your plan. If you have a written set of goals and strategies, this gives you a reason to stick to your course. ("Thanks, but I already have an investment plan, so you don't need to send me a newsletter about stocks.")

When someone persists, repeat your position, perhaps in a slightly different way. ("As I already said, our policy is to donate to charities that help children only.")

Make sure you understand exactly what is being asked of you before you respond. Perhaps the task is more time consuming than you thought. On the other hand, it may not take much effort at all.

Excel at just a few things, rather than being just average at many. Don't try to do everything.

You have a right to say no. Remember that others may take you for granted and even lose respect for you if you don't.

Be polite, but firm in saying no. You only build false hopes with wishy - washy responses. For instance, the phrase "I'll try to be there" in response to a party invitation is giving yourself an excuse to avoid a commitment. It doesn't do any one any favours.

When a superior asks you to do a new urgent task; Remind her that you are working on other projects that she has already identified as top priorities.

Ask for help in deciding where the new task should fall on the list of priorities.

Point out that you might be able to do everything, but not to the usual high standards that are expected.

Some experts recommend keeping your answer short. This way, you can say no without feeling the need for a lengthy justification. ("I'm sorry, I'm not available that night.") On the other hand, others say that giving a longer answer with reasons reinforces your credibility. Let the situation decide.

Provide suggestions or alternatives to the person who is asking. ("I can't do that task today, but how about next week," or "How about asking John instead?")

When in doubt, it's easier to say no now, then change your mind to a yes later, rather than the other way around.

Sometimes, saying no is simply unavoidable. Here are some techniques to use:

Tell the person you can agree to their request this time, but ask how the two of you might plan better for the next time.

Tell them yes, but remind them they owe you one. For example, they might cover you for a shift next time you need time off.

Tell them yes, but take control by saying you'll come back to them with a timetable. For instance, say, "I expect I'll be able to do that for you by the end of the week."

Put a tough condition on your agreement. "If it would only take an hour, I'd be able to help, but I can't give you more than that."